O.K. You sit down with 9 different white boxes of Chinese food in front of you prepared to binge on your favorite Asian 'delicacies'. The meal isn't over when you're full. The meal isn't over until you hate yourself (as one of my favorite comedians Louis C.K. points out). Even when you are done and the hatred for yourself is penetrating your soul, you still have one little treat left...the Fortune Cookie!!!
This is where the meal drops the ball. The taste is, mehh. If they were really that good we would all be searching the grocery isles for packages of this tasteless treat. Have you ever been to someone's house and seen boxes of fortune cookies in the pantry...NO!!! People don't want them for the taste or the nutrition value, which both seem to be comparable to a cardboard box. People love fortune cookies for the fortune within. Sadly the vagueness of the 'truth' that the cookie holds leaves you with a bad taste in your mouth, as well as a bad taste in your mouth. Every now an then you get a good fortune that becomes funny only when you add 'in bed' at the end of it.
I say, fuck being vague. Better to shoot for the moon and miss, than to aim for the gutter and hit it. What I'm saying is, go for the big win. So what if it doesn't apply to 99% of the population. Imagine a 'Jeremy' is dating 'Samantha'. At the end of their gorging on fried rice and various meats on a stick they go for the fortune cookies. Jeremy opens his to read, 'Samantha is cheating on you John...with your brother Jacob'. Maybe then Samantha opens hers to read, 'Jeremy is on to you...cease all communication with Jacob'. To me, all the failures would be worth it to mind fuck someone just once.
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